MY LIFE as a TeeVee robot!!

hUMANS....!

David Cameron wants to get on with dishing out new 'tough swift' justice for your local rioter, apparently they will all be in & out before Big Brother starts, at one point channel 5 were worried most of their audience were gonna be banged up without TV privileges!!

MY WIFE is a teenage twat!

tis weird..just think if we were all the same!....and we were ALL impressed by loudmouth no talent money squandering celebrity freaks....maybe we would all fancy Katy Price.......jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee​eeeeeeeez what a truly horrific thought!

justin...justn....justin!

maybe our our ole friend David cameron might want to invest too!

David Cameron....who!

Politicians have the moral high ground!? as they surround the press and stick the boot in!...I keep thinking, enjoy while U can cuz its a sure thing with the fools we have in charge, it won't be long before the press start dishing it out again!...I'm also glad to see that some of the things that fine laaaydy ;-) Maggie Thatcher stood ...for all those years ago are still holding strong...if somebody don't agree with U..no probs bully the crap out of em! they'll tow the line...if you can't afford something!...knick it off some other sucka!...what a fine plucky quaffered ole wench she was!...hey on a brighter note robberies are now UP....well UP apparently!! in good ole Birmingham....a pat on the back for all those fine folk who campaigned to get half a few hundred grands worth of CCTV cameras taken down in our fine fine city!....U ROCK U REALLY DO!

fone dregs!

So now we know whats important!, lets tap a few murder victims phones, there's bound to be a juicy story or 2 in there!...can the press sink any lower!?...oh I'm sure they CAN!

jordan....boredom!

tis weird at one time we had the village idiot! now we have the celebrity!....

who2!?

ok over the last cupla days I've been reading a number of stories in the 'bad' ole UK press (alway to be believed, haha, obviously!) incl. facebook 40 million dollar payoff and the mighty U2 tax scam, this amounts to enuff cash to run a fair sized country, THE GREED of PEOPLE on this planet is truly staggering!

jobs jobs jobs!

Its great to be living in a country where the right people are in the right jobs....David Cameron for example!....oops sorry forget that one!

U Sad Loser!

ryan giggs!?

nuff sed!.....due to legal reasons obviously! ;-(

facebook!...chasebook!

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez the whole freakin world is off its ed!....even Bin Laden did a 'last' facebook post....and he had more friends than me!!!....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

karzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

ok then.....you've got a nice car!....its cost you an arm & a leg!....you've probably spent more on that thing in the last few months than some country's have to keep their population alive!!!!......its all shiny, its got blacked out windows.....so I'm guessing you are as ugly as sin!...but hey you've got a GREAT car!...and yes its pr...obably true that everybody who sees you passing by, says 'wow what a lovelee car, they must be very succesful, wonderfull & hugely popular!!'....its got GO faster stripes....presumably to make you...erm....GO faster....its got a wing thing on the back....presumably....to make it fekkin fly when you come across a piece of tarmac thats not good enuff for your new white wall tyres!!!???.....so why is it that when you get into this MEAN 'MUTHA FUKKA OF A' MACHINE...you automatically turn into a COMPLETE TOSSA!.....in fact the better your car is...the bigger ARSEHOLE you become!!!.....................now for 'Comedy Sports Car's'....just don't get me on those basterd things!!!!!

you're a twat!

I was walking down the street the other day and a girl came up to me! dunno what was wrong with her but she stunk of booze!…anyway I digress! she stood there face to face with me and she said….’you know what….you…you’re a twat!’…..I smiled trying to impress, she was quite good looking!…I smiled and said….’yeh I know’….….she said…’WHAT!’……I said ‘yeh I know’, she giggled and slurred…’did you hear what I said you fff.ffff…..fffekin knobhead…you’re a twat!’….I smiled back and said…’yeh I know, always been one babe!…..’it was weird its like she knew me…intimately!…..at this point she started waving her arms and said ‘NO NO NO! don’t agree with me…you…ffff….fekkin twat!’ to which I responded ‘but you’re a very agreeable person and may I incur, very very attractive altho the frothing from the side of the mouth I could do without!’, she smiled, turned and then punched me in the face!…..phew, glad I didn’t disagree with her!…you see!….WOMEN! you gotta know how to handle them….one up for male domination I’d say shweeeeeet!

wayne wayne wayne!

apparently its all about that moment!....paranoia maybe!......oh forget it......who really cares anyway!

a bit of tuneless'bint'isms!

ok then, why in this life do we give a shit about celebrities....in fact why are some people celebrities at all!?......once upon a time somebody had to actually do something to be a 'star....a celebrity'......have some talent, even if it was banging a tray on your head in time to god save the queen...yup thats talent buddy! ;-)....now...adays all people have to do is, do nothing to be ON teevee!....argue with their other alf...stuff some crap up their nose....spend money in a totally obscene manner....and all this while other people on this planet struggle for their next cup of water!.....have you ever known of a bigger waste of space than Kerry Katona...the teevee companies & execs seem to be happy to throw money and airtime at this 'person...celebrity' who's talent seems to be, being the complete height of 'nothingness'.....I can hear the teevee execs now.'ok so we need a new programme...any old shyte'l'do!....I've got this great idea...Kerry Katona....she'll completely self distruct at some point (again) soon.....and we'll have it all on camera!...yeh who wouldn't want to watch that!'.....I'm sure there's millions out there who watch this crap!.....probably mostly people who's idea of talent is being able to shag as many footballers as possible....and then sell their amazing story of spitroast heaven to some crappy newspaper....Katy Price is getting divorced again!?.........JUST FUCK OFF!

uma uma uma!

I love adverts, they are the best thing in the world! much more interesting than any other shit on teevee!...I especially like the one where there's a tram crash and the corner shop gets crushed and...and.....that blokes missus who's just had that baby gets crushed to death! and then everybody else in the street comes out to see whats going on and then Ken Barlow comes out and he gets a huge piece of tram track thru his chest and then the tram which has just crashed...and is now precariously resting on the side of the bridge falls over into the street killing everybody in site, including all the emergency services people, then a bunch of terrorists in a toyota truck come trundling down the street, pick up the survivors and parade them on teevee and slowly mutilate every last one of em.....erm....what do you mean that wasn't an advert! OH! BUT IT WAS SUCKAS!.....yeh I love adverts!

war and other wonderfull things!

ok, I know you miss those good ole days don't cha?....the sweet sweet sound of a burning ford capri, the shimmering flames, lighting up the window of a council house across a dark street...the sound of a doc martin running down our street, the crunch of broken brick against soft skull!!!....the swish of a bread knife cutting thru the crisp tear gas filled air!!.....yeh yeh I know what you're thinking at this moment......good times they be fine sir....good times!!!.....but hey you know what, I've got a feeling!....times are a changin'.....you may not need to wait much longer meatbags!......sooner than you think suckas!!!......the beautiful game..this wonderfull earth.....MY ARSE!.....WAR do we fuckin love it or what!! ;-(....happy days are here again...lala.....la....la....laaaaaaaa!!

My Life As A Teenage tit!

there's only one thing better than being a teenager and thats being a robot!...u can say & do what you like and people put it down to programming!...altho having said that!....surely its ALL just a 'simple' programming glitch....mmmm....interesting!

My Wife Is A Frigid Robot!?

ok then so I know! its bad....I've slagged off pap'n'roll godz!!....I spose its kinda like slapping the queen in the face or (gulp!) Elton John even.....but hey whats with modern bands....one minute they wanna be taken 'seriously' then next they wanna 'just get down for the kidz'...one minute yeh we're influenced by 'real' bands then the next we wanna be like Green Day...then aaargh! Bun Jovi(!!)......then no not really! we wanna be like Boyzone & make lots of spodoolaz!...'because its nuthin serious we're just anutha band making POP musac' (sounds like a horrible re-occurring 80's nitemare to me ;-)....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!......hehe....what happened to good honest musac!!......Lemmy for example 'Hi Lemmy you know that wooooonderfull new song by those lovely looking boyz Westlife.....you know what me ole mate!....thats what you need!, you've already got the credability now you just need a 'real' song to sell! it'll go down a storm with the kidz just what you need...buddy...pal....matey!' yeh, YOU GO TRY THAT! just don't ask me to help you get his shiny black cowboy boot back out of your shiny little ass.......uuuuuuuuurgh!
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